Chicago: lots of water under many bridges

View of downtown Chicago from the South Loop at 4:30am while having a great conversation with one of my best friends.

Reminder that we are all just trying our best. And that it’s ok to give people second chances.

After I left Chicago, I felt like I would rarely go back to visit. And while that’s mostly true (I only go back about once a year), every time I’ve gone back I notice either how much I’ve changed or things happen while I’m there that are catalysts for growth.

I feel like documenting some of these things with totally unrelated pictures here for my future self.

Before some of my breakthrough with therapy, I used to be incredibly brutal with myself. I demanded so much out of myself and depending on where friends landed on my “friend spectrum” I would either be extremely forgiving or totally dismissive of them and their reality. Now I’m less inclined to give people advice unless I’m being asked or I feel like I can pose it as a thought-starter rather than “do this and that.”

Chicago is better with loved ones.

This place is called Pilsen Yards and they have a killer steak and eggs with chimichurri.

I had a few breakthroughs because despite the evolution of my friendships and relationships that have grown closer (and some that have grown apart), I’ve become a kinder person. One of my friends mentioned it to me. I may have equated kindness in the past as a negative trait left to weak people. Obviously this couldn’t be further from the truth. Many successful people are kind and strong. I have this memory of when Robert Herjavec from Shark Tank told one of the contestants that they shouldn’t confuse his kindness for weakness. That stuck with me.

This picture made me laugh out loud. Classic Pilsen.

It’s a lot easier to be kind to someone you like, your friends, family, significant other. It’s really hard to do this for folks that have wronged you in the past or simply don’t have your best interests in mind. I encountered such person in Chicago after 7 years of an incident that until this day it’s something that is talked about in my circle of friends. The details of the incident don’t matter but the feeling I walked away with was that of being dismissed, that what I felt was not important, that what I thought was not important because of how I handled it. The way I handled it was my removal of that situation. That didn’t align with how others in the incident think I should have reacted. Until this day, I feel like it’s a joke to them but the difference for me is that I’ve chosen to let it go. I’ve forgiven them. Not because I felt at the time that they deserved it but because I needed to move on.

I love a good charcuterie board.

If I don’t like a person I try to be cordial but not to engage. And that’s what I did initially during my last visit to Chicago. Small talk, avoidance, etc. It’s not like they’re a friend of mine. They stuck around in the group. And then something clicked in my head. Like, “dude, why don’t you give them a chance.”

I learned that they’re going through a pretty rough patch. Being empathetic is a double-edge sword. In this instance, I chose to give them a bit of compassion because I felt like he needed it. I had already forgiven him and felt like I didn’t owe him anything. Hell, I didn’t even think I had a grudge. But this was like the next level of evolution for me. Going from not holding a grudge but feeling annoyed that they were there to, after talking and hearing him, feeling like he was trying his best. And maybe. Just maybe. He thought he was trying his best when the initial incident occurred. It didn’t feel like that to me then. And being told your thoughts and feelings are not valid is not cool with me. But after all the work that I’ve done, it felt like this was the last bit of housekeeping and cleaning I needed to do.

While it’s crazy to realize how much he and I have grown, it’s always great to see my friend Luis. He was my first friend when I moved to the United States in the mid 90s.

Starbucks Reserve in Chicago is the largest Starbucks in the world and has coffee cocktails. This was a really nice flight.

… and this was their spicy martini. Man it was good.

I needed to see this individual as just another human being who makes mistakes just like I do. And who ultimately wants what we all want. Love. Peace. Health. Friends. I felt like I took the biggest emotional dump in the last year and I was proud of myself because no one told me to do what I did. It was an awareness combined with my current emotional intelligence that led me to give the dude a chance. Are we going to be best friends? Probably not. Will I have a drink with him in the future at a future friend gathering? Sure.

Chicago has a lot of bridges. And lots of water that goes under them. Cue Adelle with her song and you have a metaphor for how I felt. It’s water under the bridge. Move on and keep it moving.

It will always be the Sears Tower to me and everyone in Chicago. This shot was taken while on the architectural tour. Highly recommended.